The human psyche is hardwired for resolution. From the cliffhangers of a television drama to the unresolved chords in a piece of music, the brain experiences a distinct tension when a pattern remains incomplete. In the realm of human relationships and personal trauma, this psychological phenomenon is often referred to as the need for "closure." For decades, the prevailing cultural narrative has suggested that closure is a gift bestowed by one person upon another—a final conversation, a heartfelt apology, or a detailed explanation that allows the wounded party to finally exhale.
However, modern psychological practice and emerging therapeutic insights are beginning to dismantle this paradigm. According to Josiah Dicken, MA, LPCC, a licensed professional clinical counselor and founder of Wayfinder Counseling & Coaching, the traditional pursuit of external closure is often a futile endeavor that stalls the healing process. Instead, a new understanding is emerging: closure is not a collaborative effort, but an internal sovereign act.
Main Facts: The Deconstruction of Closure
The core of the contemporary therapeutic argument rests on the distinction between three often-confused states: forgiveness, healing, and closure. While they are interconnected, they serve different psychological functions and operate on different timelines.
- Forgiveness as a Change of Heart: Forgiveness is an internal shift where an individual chooses to release the debt of a grievance. It is less about the offender and more about the offended party’s refusal to allow bitterness to take root.
- Healing as Internal Recovery: Healing is the physiological and psychological process of the "wound" closing. It involves the regulation of the nervous system and the integration of the traumatic event into one’s life story.
- Closure as the Ability to Move On: Closure is the definitive act of "turning the page." It is the decision to stop ruminating on the "why" and to accept the "what."
The most significant fact presented by mental health professionals like Dicken is that closure is entirely independent of the other party’s cooperation. The lack of an apology, the absence of accountability, and even the silence of a "ghosting" partner are not obstacles to closure—they are, in fact, the components of it.
The Chronology of Emotional Recovery: From Stagnation to Peace
The journey toward closure rarely follows a linear path, but it typically moves through a series of chronological psychological shifts. Understanding this timeline is essential for those who feel "stuck" in the aftermath of a significant life transition or loss.
Phase I: The Search for External Validation
Immediately following a rupture—whether it be a breakup, a professional termination, or a familial falling out—the individual often enters a state of cognitive dissonance. The brain seeks to reconcile the previous reality with the current one. During this phase, the person typically waits for an external signal: a letter, a phone call, or a "sit-down" talk. This is the period of highest vulnerability, where the individual’s peace of mind is effectively held hostage by the actions of another.
Phase II: The Realization of the "Action-as-Answer"
The turning point in the chronology of closure occurs when the individual shifts their focus from words to actions. As Dicken notes, the realization that "the lack of respect was the closure" marks the beginning of the end of the waiting period. In this phase, the individual begins to interpret silence as a statement and neglect as a definitive answer.
Phase III: The Integration of Wisdom
Once the external search is abandoned, the process moves inward. This is the "scarring" phase. Just as physical skin heals by creating a tougher layer of tissue, the psyche begins to integrate the experience. The individual acknowledges that while the chapter was painful, it provided essential data about their boundaries, needs, and the realities of the world.
Phase IV: The Sovereign Turn
The final stage is the "turning of the page." This is a proactive choice to stop perseverating—or obsessively ruminating—on the past. It is the moment the individual decides that their life story is larger than the single chapter that just concluded.
Supporting Data: The Psychology of the Unfinished Task
The drive for closure is not merely emotional; it is rooted in cognitive science. One of the most prominent theories supporting the need for closure is the Zeigarnik Effect, named after psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik. Her research suggested that people remember uncompleted or interrupted tasks better than completed ones. In a relational context, a "breakup without closure" is viewed by the brain as an uncompleted task, leading to intrusive thoughts and emotional distress.
Furthermore, research from the American Psychological Association (APA) highlights the tangible health benefits of the components of closure, particularly forgiveness. Studies have shown that the act of letting go of resentment is linked to:
- Lowered blood pressure and heart rate.
- Reduced levels of cortisol (the stress hormone).
- Decreased symptoms of clinical anxiety and depression.
- Improved sleep quality and immune system function.
The APA also emphasizes that processing grief and loss is an "active journey." It is not something that happens to a person over time; rather, it is something a person does. This supports Dicken’s assertion that closure is a choice rather than a gift.
Official Responses and Expert Perspectives
The therapeutic community has increasingly moved toward a model of "Self-Generated Closure." Josiah Dicken’s perspective aligns with evidence-based practices such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
In his professional capacity, Dicken argues that waiting for "butterflies and rainbows" or a perfect ending is a myth that prevents true progress. "Closure is the choice to stop perseverating on the past and to begin moving forward, on your own terms," Dicken states. His approach emphasizes that the "tainted, broken, distorted lens" of pain can only be cleared when the individual stops looking back at the person who caused the wound and starts looking forward at the path ahead.
Other experts in the field of "Ambiguous Loss"—a term coined by Dr. Pauline Boss—echo these sentiments. Ambiguous loss occurs when there is a lack of clarity or a "messy" ending (such as a disappearance or a partner with dementia). The clinical consensus for treating such loss is not to seek a "final answer," but to increase the patient’s tolerance for ambiguity and to help them find meaning in the absence of information.
Implications: Changing the Lens of the Future
The shift from external to internal closure has profound implications for long-term mental health and the quality of future relationships.
The Eradication of Victimhood
When an individual realizes they do not need an apology to move on, they reclaim their agency. They are no longer a "victim" waiting for a perpetrator to set them free; they become the architect of their own emotional liberation. This shift in identity is often the catalyst for significant personal growth and increased self-esteem.
Healthier Future Attachments
By finding closure internally, individuals avoid carrying the "emotional baggage" of past traumas into new relationships. Dicken points out that closure allows one to move forward without seeing the world through a "distorted lens of pain." This prevents the projection of past hurts onto new partners, fostering healthier and more secure attachments.
The Role of Professional Intervention
For many, the "choice" to move on is hindered by deep-seated psychological blocks or trauma. This is where the role of licensed therapy becomes critical. A therapist acts as a guide through the "chronology of recovery," helping the individual identify why they are stuck and providing tools to facilitate the internal "turning of the page."
Conclusion: Peace as the Ultimate Metric
Ultimately, the enrichment of the concept of closure leads to a single, powerful conclusion: Closure is peace.
It is not the absence of memory, nor is it the erasure of scars. As Josiah Dicken eloquently suggests, the scars are evidence of wisdom gained. The "ending" of a chapter does not mean the story never happened; it means the story is continuing in a new direction. By redefining closure as a personal decision rather than a social transaction, individuals are empowered to close their own doors, heal their own hearts, and write their own next chapters with clarity and hope.
The message for those still waiting for a phone call or a "sorry" that may never come is clear: you already have everything you need to move on. The lack of an answer is your answer. The lack of care is your closure. The page is ready to be turned; you only need to reach out and do it.
